There's a list on our wall of people we'd like to see punished for robbing Mother Earth of precious oxygen. Guy Ritchie is somewhere near the top in angry red scrawl, as if penned in blood by a screaming killer of whores. Tori Spelling is mid-table for looking like a burglar's dog. Somewhere near the bottom is petite, peach-skinned Jessica Alba.
Ah, dear Jessie. You tease us with your bikini-clad potboilers then get knocked up by a dead-eyed, pock-skinned, part-time producer.
How very dare you. And you continue to sully our vision with an inconsolable roster of flickering shit at the cinema; 'The Love Guru', 'Into The Blue', 'Fantastic Four', 'Awake' - which, although it was a harrowing waste of time for all those involved, did win an award for best poster, so that's alright.
So not quite as deserving of being led away to a dark place as Tara Palmer-Tomkinson, but that hasn't stopped somebody convincing Alba to get dressed up like Hannibal Lecter... all with the aim of convincing folk to vote in the US presidential election apparently.
Alba cooed:
Imagine what she'd do if it was for something important.
Next, Alba promotes Dairylea Lunchables by organising a three day bukkake gagfest in a Hemel Hempstead travel tavern. We'd be necking the stuff like Captain Stella on a Friday night. The Dairylea, not the gallons of cold stinking man juice. Although we've seen films.
How very dare you. And you continue to sully our vision with an inconsolable roster of flickering shit at the cinema; 'The Love Guru', 'Into The Blue', 'Fantastic Four', 'Awake' - which, although it was a harrowing waste of time for all those involved, did win an award for best poster, so that's alright.
So not quite as deserving of being led away to a dark place as Tara Palmer-Tomkinson, but that hasn't stopped somebody convincing Alba to get dressed up like Hannibal Lecter... all with the aim of convincing folk to vote in the US presidential election apparently.
Alba cooed:
"I think it is important for young people to be aware of the need we have in this country to get them more active politically. People respond to things that are shocking."
Imagine what she'd do if it was for something important.
Next, Alba promotes Dairylea Lunchables by organising a three day bukkake gagfest in a Hemel Hempstead travel tavern. We'd be necking the stuff like Captain Stella on a Friday night. The Dairylea, not the gallons of cold stinking man juice. Although we've seen films.
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